11-17-2020 10:29pm

Merge Wright: Warren County A Few Years Back

Rick Amburgey Neighbor

Warren County a few years back

The Loan Ranger and his faithful Indian companion Habib Samsung were doing French vanilla ice caps at The Warped Wing Repast while organizing a plan to rescue Stagecoach Bernard, two heavily bonused bank CEO's, a couple of good for nothing politicians and the only upstanding passenger in the coach 'Triple B' the weekend's entertainment at Ms. Boros Saloon. The Plan would have Habib drive the Pizza Dog Conestoga delivery wagon with the Loan Ranger hidden in the back amongst five dozen double pepperoni with black olive pizzas. The low life's that pulled the theft and kidnapping would be unable to resist the aroma, leaving the six captives alone while they robbed the pizza dude Habib. He was wearing a Pizza Dog cap, apron and hidden from view he had two state of the art high voltage Wyatt Earp tasers.

The only thing that could blow this gig would be a strange twist. Speaking of twists, the Ranger likes a lemon twist with his martinis while Habib enjoys a lime with his rum and coke. Meanwhile, on the trail the Dog wagon was headed up to Clearcreek pass just north of the Agenbroad ranch and south of Lake Pedro. At the fork in the road their GPS directed them to take the left fork and then Merge Wright at Franklin Flats. It'd be a straight shot on the 741 trail to Red Lion Pass and then a hard left to the old Chenault Pony Express stable vacated years ago. The boys were being careful keeping their eyes peeled for trouble along the trail. Just outside of Franklin Flats a heavy set man was signaling for help.

The Ranger hidden in the back of the wagon told Habib be careful I'll cover your back. The old feller appeared tohave been shot in the arm and needing medical attention. Was it a ruse, a con job, a flim flam or just a run of the mill uninsured laborer that needed some TLC? Habib yelled out, 'Hey old timer whasss up?' 'Name's, George, a snake bit me about 5 minutes ago, not sure what kind he was but I'm still alive can you give me a lift to the docs about a half mile up.' Habib helped the old timer into the wagon noticing a high tech camera pinned on his shirt collar. A couple raps on the wooden seat let the ranger know that something was up with the new passenger.

Engaged in conversation Habib discovered that the geezer was the director of high definition video shows for OWN, the Old West Network. He'd beenshooting some snake action when one got him. Habib asked George if he'd like to high deff record three criminals being apprehended and the release of six hostages. It was a resounding 'Yes Sir,' but let's see the doc first and that they did. The Ranger stayed quiet and hidden. He'd become a great surprise if needed. The Doc informed George that it was just a minor non poisonous snake that bit him, told him it'd be sore for a day or two but he'd be fine. Habib quickly went on line and got the latest wind speed and direction that would help them decide from what direction they'd approach the old Chenault stable.

That Pizza Dog aroma would be instrumental in getting all 3 rubes to come out to the wagon. The barn was in sight when the Ranger received a silent text message fromSheriff Sims. It read ' We got the bad guys, stage coach and all. Everybody's safe won't need your help. Will buy you dinner tonight at Roosters Chuck Wagon for your effort I'm copying Miss Karen for her to join us.' signed Sheriff Sims.Whoa, the Ranger thought I never told the Sheriff about Miss Karen. Quickly the Ranger went to the Google satellite requesting a thermal image update of the Chenault stable. Seems two more had been added to the mix and the Ranger was guessing they were the Sheriff and Miss Karen.

Was Miss Karen in cahoots with the bad guys? Had the Sheriff's cell phone really been in a dead zone or had he been nabbed by the bad guys and where does George the snake bitten video dude fit in the picture? A strange twist indeed. When the Pizza Dog wagon approached from the southwest it was apparent that something was going on insidethe barn. The aroma was there but a shout out would definitely help. Habib yelled out, 'Pizza Dog, get yer fresh hot pizza just 10 cents for two slices or 35 cents for a whole double pepperoni black olive pizza. Then he rang the chuck wagon bell. It wasn't more than a nanno second when Hatchett his two lackies anda very attractive woman appeared. 'How many pizzas yall need today folks?'

That's when George jumped off the pizza wagon and said get yer hands up this is a hold up.' 'We'll be taking care of you right after lunch.' When Hatchett opened the back of the wagon he was greeted with 500 volts and went spinning & screaming down the lane knocking himself completely out when he slammed into a tree. The two lackies and George moved in to see what was going on. They too were electrified with 500 volts and went twisting and spinning like a high speed ferris wheel into the Little Miami River.

When the lovely lady came up on the back of the wagon, the Ranger said, 'Karen put your hands up and Habib, tie her up good and tight.' I'll check on the passengers inside. All were good, the politicians and the over bonused bank CEO's had been arguing over government regulations and interest rates, the sheriff was happy to see the Ranger and Habib while 'Triple B' also known as Boom Boom Barbie had been sitting in the corner doing her nails and watching chic flicks on her I phone. The Ranger kind of had a sweet eye for 'Triple B'. He invited her out to the wagon to split a pizza and help him tie up the bad boys. And that they did. Boom boom never did play Ms Boros Saloon again deciding to marry the Ranger and have a passel of young uns. Ahhh...don't you just love a happy ending?

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