Sometimes A Close Shave Can Be... A Close Shave

SPRINGBORO, OH -- In my many years on planet Earth, I have heard the term “close shave” and have experienced the same many times. So what defines a close shave? 

I decided to look that slang term up in the dictionary and here is what I came up with: A close shave is defined... “as a situation in which you come very close to a dangerous situation.” 

Here is an example: Suppose you are driving down the highway, going the speed limit and a crazy driver speeds around you and cuts you off, nearly running you off the road. The first words out of your mouth (well, maybe the second words) might be, “Man, that was a close shave!”

Now that I am retired, I find that the term “close shave” is more often attributed to my every other day ritual when I take my razor out and attack the whiskers on my face. Depending on the skill level on that day, my face will either have a “close shave” …or resemble a Civil War battlefield.

A brief history of facial hair over the years shows certain trends. In ancient Greece and Rome, facial hair was a sign of wisdom and virility. Then in the Middle Ages, shaving became popular because knights had to wear armor which required a tight fit on the head.

In the Renaissance Era, the trend went back to scholars who wanted to emulate the philosophers of ancient Greece and Rome. Arts and Science was the in thing, and so whiskers came back in style. Whiskers and smarts? Go figure…

In the Victorian era, more stylish trends of facial hair came into existence. With mustaches, mutton chops and opulent beards coming into play, barber shops opened to groom the wealthy and high society folk.

The Twentieth Century brought two world wars and clean shaving became a necessity due to the wearing of gas masks requiring a tight fit. G.I’s coming home continued this ritual. 

As a youngster, I can remember my dad (recently back from World War II) taking out his Gillette double edged razor every day and attacking his beard. To not shave was a sign of laziness and sloppiness. I remember Gillette sponsoring the Friday Night fights (clean shaven boxers, I might add) on television. My older brother Glenn inherited Dad’s razor and used it until his dying day in 2016.

Nowadays, the younger generation does less shaving and more growing of beards. Is it a sign of laziness, a protest to the rising costs of razor blades or just a fashion statement to emulate Hollywood, sports celebrities or Madison Avenue? I haven't a clue. 

My own experience is that after a day of whisker growth, my face becomes itchy, and I look like a slob. Call me old fashioned, but it works for me.

My choice brand of razor and blades is Harry’s, sold at many drug stores and chains. My reasoning is a little bizarre, but the owner of Gillette is Robert Kraft, who owns the New England Patriot NFL team. Since I am an avid Cincinnati Bengal fan, I will not give Kraft another nickel to load his team with superstars.

Over the years, the two edged razor blade has been replaced with five blades. Is it better? Why does it take five blades to do the job that fifty years ago took only one? Is it to justify five times the price you pay to buy them? Here is my take on the subject…

Maybe I am overthinking this, but does it take blades two, three, four or five to cut the whisker that blade one missed? Maybe blade five should be promoted to blade one and blade one should be fired for being a slacker. Just think of all the steel our country would save by just sharpening blade one and calling it a day.

At Harry’s, I can buy a four pack of blades for $10.95 which will last me about a month. I do not buy shaving cream because lathering up my face with soap does the trick. A blade cartridge will last me three or four shaves. After that, my whiskers pull, and I will get a nick or two (no close shave makes Guy not a happy camper.)

One of my best friends who lives in Atlanta sent me a picture of him and his son the other day. My friend has grown a long gray beard and with his chubbiness now resembles that jolly old man named Santa Claus. I remarked, “I have been a good little boy this past year, I expect a fine present but will NOT sit on your lap.” LOL.

Many of our forefathers grew beards and some did not. When I go to Dorothy Lane Market to buy groceries, I pay cash and notice that they draw a yellow line over the face of all bills $10 or more to check for counterfeit. I joke that because Honest Abe is on the five dollar bill, the cashier is showing respect in not messing up his pristine beard with a yellow line.

I suppose I should feel grateful that I do not have to shave my legs, underarms (and some other places which I will not mention) like my wife does. She regrets that she is not a natural blonde because they grow “peach fuzz” and can slack off a few extra days without shaving. Some don’t even shave.

As a side note, my wife recycles my used blades, which gives her a nick-free shave around her knees. There is no sense in buying Lady Harry’s pink razor and blades as a fashion statement in the shower. No, I am not being cheap, just being practical.

By writing this article this morning, I have put off my shaving ritual for too long. So it is off to the bathroom sink and mirror. Here’s hoping I (with Harry’s help) get a “close shave." If I barely miss my Jugular, that would REALLY be a close shave.

Wish me luck!

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